What the media doesn't tell you about self-care.
My dear roses, today I want to talk to you about actions of self-care that aren't so romanticized in the media. We've all seen those cliché Twitter and IG posts about self-care and people doing face masks, getting their nails done, taking themselves out on dates, doing retail therapy, etc., etc. Now, I'm not saying that these forms of self-care aren't valid, I've done a lot of them myself to be honest. But people in this day and age, especially my generation, tend to romanticize literally everything on social media. I'm here to tell you about the self-care tactics that aren't so pretty, the ones that might make you feel a little uncomfortable in the moment but will benefit you in the long run.
1. Journaling:
I've kept a journal or diary of some sort basically my entire life. I find that emptying out all my thoughts into a secret place where nobody can judge me is very therapeutic. It helps me cope with a lot of those feelings I'm too ashamed to admit or don't really know how to express out loud.
2. Saying No:
If you're a people pleaser, a "yes" man, or somebody who just has a hard time rejecting people, this self-care tactic is for you. Practice saying no more! If your friends ask you to go out when you'd rather just stay in the house and spend the day with yourself, say no. If someone is asking you to do something that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your principles, say no. If that one person who always unloads all their problems on you but never takes the time out to listen to your shit, tell them not today. Saying no doesn't mean you're being rude or disrespectful either, you're just being protective of your space, time, and energy.
3. Finding a Therapist:
Some people believe therapy is only for people who are mentally insane and think if they get a therapist they must be crazy, but that's not true at all. The first time my mom suggested I talk to a therapist about my anxiety, I was completely against it. After maturing and realizing that therapy is just a way to share your feelings with someone who doesn't have any preconceptions about you or your past, I found the idea of talking to a therapist comforting. If you're going through something you feel stuck in or can't quite get past, consider booking an appointment. It definitely changed my life for the better.
4. Taking Time Out Each Day to Do Something You're Passionate About:
Spend at least 30 min - 1 hour out of each day doing something you absolutely love. For me, it's reading, writing, stretching, finding / listening to new music, or this blog. If you're a busy person, taking a small fraction of the day for yourself can make a huge difference. What are your passions and how can you implement them into your daily life?
5. Addressing Negative Feelings:
Nothing good ever comes from bottling up your emotions or putting them on the back burner. I realized that's how all that negativity builds up, leading you to reaching your breaking point and snapping. Whether it's anger, jealousy, betrayal, disappointment, anxiety, or sadness, address the source and cause of those feelings.
6. Being Honest With Yourself:
You know that feeling you get where you know you probably shouldn't be going to see that person, but you go anyway? Yeah, that's your intuition talking to you. Stop ignoring it. Self-care is also about being honest with yourself and knowing what boundaries you shouldn't cross.
7. Allowing Yourself to Get Upset, Angry, or Sad:
It's okay to cry! It's okay to want to scream into your pillow or punch a wall (don't actually do that though lol). Let yourself experience those emotions if they are triggered, but don't get too stuck in them. Experience the pain, then move past it. It's only temporary.
8. Meditation:
Meditating is scientifically known to reduce stress, control anxiety, enhance self-awareness, improve sleep, and decrease blood pressure. I recommend using the free Headspace app, which walks you through how to meditate if you're unsure on where to start.
9. Dancing, Exercising, Being Active:
Okay, so this may sound weird... But when I'm in a bad mood or having a down day I always have a dance party of one. If you're a Grey's Anatomy fan like me, you know I got this idea from Christina and Meredith. Another scientific fact is that when you're active, your body releases endorphins which boosts your self-esteem and reduces stress. It's like you're giving yourself a natural dose of morphine, with the simple action of running, working out, or dancing.
10. Solitude:
My last and final point is probably the hardest form of self-care, as well as the least talked about. Solitude is something I didn't understand until very, very recently, like within the last few months. Being in solitude means being comfortable with time alone. It is one of the most powerful forms of self-care because it forces you to love yourself so much you're okay with spending a large amount of time by yourself. You don't require other people to fill a void or make you feel like you're good enough. Your primary source of happiness is yourself, nobody else. Below is my favorite book by Chidera Eggerue, aka The Slumflower. I've read it three times and am about to read it for a fourth because that's how good it is. She discusses why solitude is so important and how time alone is never time wasted. Take advantage of being in that space, it's rare in our lifetime we get quality time to solely focus on ourselves and our growth.
I hope that you take these self-care tactics and use them in your own life. Some of them probably don't seem like something you'd do, others you may already be doing. However, it never hurts to try something new. Share this with anybody you think would benefit from these tactics as well. Much love.
-Z